Here's another good one. > A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH > TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN > , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT > FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!! > > HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND > FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. > IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! > > THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE > LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE > COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS. > > THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND > POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO > TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF > LUMBER IT CONTAINS." > > THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, > 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER." > THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! > > HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN > THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER > WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A > BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS. > > "THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR > BOARD FEET." > > THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE > HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A > CALCULATOR!!!! > > ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, > AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN.. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS > THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND > WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?" > > BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, > "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST." > > THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE > OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK > IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, ANOTHER > FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE. > > HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT > TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF > THAT TREE!!" > > THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW > WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" > > WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE > WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES > A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. > HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. > "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS. > > THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW > IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?" > > THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE > TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND > REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT BEHIND IT!" > > HE GOT THE JOB.