Memo To All Manufacturers

[randyp]

Dear Manufacturers and purveyors to consumers, Please take note that when I order a product from you, I do not need a 2 inch thick instruction manual, or a manual that you can turn over and upside down to view different languages and dialects. I pay for your products in American money and I only require american (English language) instructions. I would also like to introduce you to a concept known as "Proofreading". Webster defines it as "To read and correct,(printers proofs). This is most preferably done after initial print, its proofread, mistakes corrected, then you can take off with your gazillion copies, and guess what, they will all be identical and grammatically correct! This proofreading concept is best done by someone schooled well in the english language, preferably an english major. The best quality proofreading does not come from someone in Botswana working at the rate of 12 cents a day, and does not even speak the english language. I really mention the possibility of all this so maybe a lighter instruction or assembly manual might possibly lower shipping costs. I have one more item to mention, while you are on the company jet on your way to your swiss "chalet", I retract that, this should be part of proofreading also, but anyway, please make sure when instructions say "insert bolt A into slot C, see Fig. 6, there definitely needs to be a Fig.6 and also aforementioned slots. Maybe while you are on company jet to Switzerland (possibly to deposit cash), why dont you just take a sample of your product, with included instructions, and try to assemble that Son of a Bitch yourself? If you look in the index of manual for 10 or 15 minutes, you might find your language. Thank you for your time, I feel much better now. Dumb Gravel Pit Hillbilly Randy

[rhasler]

Dear Manufacturers and purveyors to consumers, Please take note that when I order a product from you, I do not need a 2 inch thick instruction manual, or a manual that you can turn over and upside down to view different languages and dialects. I pay for your products in American money and I only require american (English language) instructions. I would also like to introduce you to a concept known as "Proofreading". Webster defines it as "To read and correct,(printers proofs). This is most preferably done after initial print, its proofread, mistakes corrected, then you can take off with your gazillion copies, and guess what, they will all be identical and grammatically correct! This proofreading concept is best done by someone schooled well in the english language, preferably an english major. The best quality proofreading does not come from someone in Botswana working at the rate of 12 cents a day, and does not even speak the english language. I really mention the possibility of all this so maybe a lighter instruction or assembly manual might possibly lower shipping costs. I have one more item to mention, while you are on the company jet on your way to your swiss "chalet", I retract that, this should be part of proofreading also, but anyway, please make sure when instructions say "insert bolt A into slot C, see Fig. 6, there definitely needs to be a Fig.6 and also aforementioned slots. Maybe while you are on company jet to Switzerland (possibly to deposit cash), why dont you just take a sample of your product, with included instructions, and try to assemble that Son of a Bitch yourself? If you look in the index of manual for 10 or 15 minutes, you might find your language. Thank you for your time, I feel much better now. Dumb Gravel Pit Hillbilly Randy

Dear concerned consumer,

We regret that you were dissatisfied with your recent purchase of our instruction manual (the product whose operation it describes was free of charge, being as it was produced with materials far less costly than the paper the instructions were printed on). Here at the Company we make every effort to enhance your reading experience by taking certain "poetic licenses" with our instruction brochure and your language. Please see the attached document as an example of our continued efforts to both entertain and edumacate you.

yours, rhasler, freelance literarally inclined proofreader

A Perfect Example.pdf

[buddy]

Dear Manufacturers and purveyors to consumers, Please take note that when I order a product from you, I do not need a 2 inch thick instruction manual, or a manual that you can turn over and upside down to view different languages and dialects. I pay for your products in American money and I only require american (English language) instructions. I would also like to introduce you to a concept known as "Proofreading". Webster defines it as "To read and correct,(printers proofs). This is most preferably done after initial print, its proofread, mistakes corrected, then you can take off with your gazillion copies, and guess what, they will all be identical and grammatically correct! This proofreading concept is best done by someone schooled well in the english language, preferably an english major. The best quality proofreading does not come from someone in Botswana working at the rate of 12 cents a day, and does not even speak the english language. I really mention the possibility of all this so maybe a lighter instruction or assembly manual might possibly lower shipping costs. I have one more item to mention, while you are on the company jet on your way to your swiss "chalet", I retract that, this should be part of proofreading also, but anyway, please make sure when instructions say "insert bolt A into slot C, see Fig. 6, there definitely needs to be a Fig.6 and also aforementioned slots. Maybe while you are on company jet to Switzerland (possibly to deposit cash), why dont you just take a sample of your product, with included instructions, and try to assemble that Son of a Bitch yourself? If you look in the index of manual for 10 or 15 minutes, you might find your language. Thank you for your time, I feel much better now. Dumb Gravel Pit Hillbilly Randy

[hatcity]

Sounds like you got the package you have been waiting for.

How many warning stickers are on the greaser gun? WARNING Do NOT look at hose end when squeezing trigger

rRegarding the multi-national language- with great thanks to those that control all aspects of government in regards to "border security", All those haitians that we allowed to come here after the earthquake-Creole. Since we have numerous Latin American countries represented, we must have all dialects available so they can ignore the warnings, get hurt or better killed, so they or representatives of theirs (lawyers) can sue the mfg.

Regarding the assembly of product, WE PAY THE FACTORY TOP DOLLAR/DAY. we have had to trust that the product meets the guidelines set. We do not know who set them, but , we saw a sign at the factory. Can't read Chinese, but the boss told us thats what it said come to think of it, saw a kid with the exact thing on his arm one day. said it was his name.

Will this make you feel better?

untitled.bmp

[randyp]

Dear concerned consumer,

We regret that you were dissatisfied with your recent purchase of our instruction manual (the product whose operation it describes was free of charge, being as it was produced with materials far less costly than the paper the instructions were printed on). Here at the Company we make every effort to enhance your reading experience by taking certain "poetic licenses" with our instruction brochure and your language. Please see the attached document as an example of our continued efforts to both entertain and edumacate you.

yours, rhasler, freelance literarally inclined proofreader

heh heh heh der snoogle biggle bauyet oodf jf asoooid fjfj a; 9974 f88f asutyre hitler ankep comma, priotdf alls jfj ertfgdu wienershit zel comprende? hans and gretel,,,ydnar

[randyp]

Sounds like you got the package you have been waiting for.

How many warning stickers are on the greaser gun? WARNING Do NOT look at hose end when squeezing trigger

rRegarding the multi-national language- with great thanks to those that control all aspects of government in regards to "border security", All those haitians that we allowed to come here after the earthquake-Creole. Since we have numerous Latin American countries represented, we must have all dialects available so they can ignore the warnings, get hurt or better killed, so they or representatives of theirs (lawyers) can sue the mfg.

Regarding the assembly of product, WE PAY THE FACTORY TOP DOLLAR/DAY. we have had to trust that the product meets the guidelines set. We do not know who set them, but , we saw a sign at the factory. Can't read Chinese, but the boss told us thats what it said come to think of it, saw a kid with the exact thing on his arm one day. said it was his name.

Will this make you feel better?

yeah hatcity, I got several things today, the worst to assemble came from Lowes, a simple looking lawn swing with canopy. I got my handy dandy pneumatic grease gun, and to be brutally honest with you, when I ordered it, I had no plans to stick hose in my eye, ear, or ass. I really needed to be told that! Randy

[ThaddeusW]

The other day at work we received a USB floppy disk drive. In the box was a thin manual that on the front said "Ploppy Disk Drive". Laughter followed but it was a sad sign of the times. Many of the Chinese manufactures do not have English translators on sight nor do they want to hire one. So they probably use a Chinese to English translation book/web site/software that generates the horrible "engrish" we see in many product manuals. Guy I know bought a cheap Chinese scooter that had a sticker under the on/off switch: The ON position read "To work nirmal" the OFF position read: "Flame out". Not only do they use bad grammar, wrong words/phrases but they also misspell words. Its funny and sad at the same time.

[shortstack]

The other day at work we received a USB floppy disk drive. In the box was a thin manual that on the front said "Ploppy Disk Drive". Laughter followed but it was a sad sign of the times. Many of the Chinese manufactures do not have English translators on sight nor do they want to hire one. So they probably use a Chinese to English translation book/web site/software that generates the horrible "engrish" we see in many product manuals. Guy I know bought a cheap Chinese scooter that had a sticker under the on/off switch: The ON position read "To work nirmal" the OFF position read: "Flame out". Not only do they use bad grammar, wrong words/phrases but they also misspell words. Its funny and sad at the same time.

Relax guys, King Obama is gonna fix everything. He just needs time to bow down and kiss more ass.

[rhasler]

The other day at work we received a USB floppy disk drive. In the box was a thin manual that on the front said "Ploppy Disk Drive". Laughter followed but it was a sad sign of the times. Many of the Chinese manufactures do not have English translators on sight nor do they want to hire one. So they probably use a Chinese to English translation book/web site/software that generates the horrible "engrish" we see in many product manuals. Guy I know bought a cheap Chinese scooter that had a sticker under the on/off switch: The ON position read "To work nirmal" the OFF position read: "Flame out". Not only do they use bad grammar, wrong words/phrases but they also misspell words. Its funny and sad at the same time.

The package I scanned earlier was from a "give away" item that came with a photo tachometer I bought at a Mac Tools event a few years ago. Reading it brought to mind Henry Rollins' Boris, so I saved the box. I think the box may have outlived the flashlight it was made to hold.

[vision386]

I tell ya' sometimes i think the world has gone to hell in a handbasket! are people really this dumb???? the company i'm leased to just bought 4 new great dane trailers, and stenciled inside is an arrow pointing to the front of the trailer,it says "freight goes in here" and "close doors after loading" (no kidding) and these dumb ass warning labels! i recently bought a bucket of paint at lowes, and it says "do NOT carry baby in empty bucket" it gets better, i have a bag of charcoal for my new grill, it has a warning as well, "do not use this product to cook inside, the fumes can KILL YOU" (no shit!) ever get any new electronic equipt.? that little bag of dessicant inside says "do not eat"! guess common sense is'nt so common anymore!................Mark

" The world's a tough place pilgrim, it's even tougher when you're stupid " -- John wayne --

[ThaddeusW]

I tell ya' sometimes i think the world has gone to hell in a handbasket! are people really this dumb???? the company i'm leased to just bought 4 new great dane trailers, and stenciled inside is an arrow pointing to the front of the trailer,it says "freight goes in here" and "close doors after loading" (no kidding) and these dumb ass warning labels! i recently bought a bucket of paint at lowes, and it says "do NOT carry baby in empty bucket" it gets better, i have a bag of charcoal for my new grill, it has a warning as well, "do not use this product to cook inside, the fumes can KILL YOU" (no shit!) ever get any new electronic equipt.? that little bag of dessicant inside says "do not eat"! guess common sense is'nt so common anymore!................Mark

" The world's a tough place pilgrim, it's even tougher when you're stupid " -- John wayne --

That's to try and keep the lawyers at bay. Treat everyone like a retard and when they hurt/kill themselves the manufacturer can say "LOOK, The sticker said not to put this wire in your mouth and plug it in! We warned the customer!" So yea blame the lawyers who have turned litigation into a huge cash cow.

Another interesting story I read was a guy was using a table saw and injured himself. So now I am sure anyone here who is into carpentry/wood working has heard of that saw stop system that detects when flesh contacts the blade and rapidly drops the blade into the saw averting disaster. Well the inventor made lots of money licensing the system and it costs allot of money to license and manufacture a saw with the system. So back to the guy who injures himself, he sues the saw manufacturer because they did not include saw stop on their saw! His argument is technology exists that would have prevented his injury and the manufacturer was negligent and did not include it in his saw. Problem is his saw is a low end model, the manufacturer did offer a saw with saw stop, it just costs more money and he CHOSE not to buy it.

The lawyers have been ruining this country for far to long.