Nice Weather...

[other dog]

...eh? Must be why nobody's said anything funny today. I got my running done this morning,got ribs on the grill now. I check in periodically for funny stuff,but apparently Rob,Rhasler,Randy,Mark,and Hat City are also pursuing other endeavors. So much for today's entertainment.

[hatcity]

Wash/grease boy is at daytona. Somebody has to grease and wash the truck.

Pulled some weeds in the back gardens, mulched the area.

Pick up dog poop in the backyard, mow the lawn.

Just finished watching the race. Take a shower. Coffee break and then a nap.

Taking the Mrs. out to dinner later.

Sorry, not much funny here.

[Mike]

...eh? Must be why nobody's said anything funny today. I got my running done this morning,got ribs on the grill now. I check in periodically for funny stuff,but apparently Rob,Rhasler,Randy,Mark,and Hat City are also pursuing other endeavors. So much for today's entertainment.

I got up about 7:00 a.m. called my mom to see if she needed anything,washed my pickup truck, carried my dress shirts and pants to the dry cleaners, came home and gutted the passenger door on the Mack. Now it's just a shell, still on the hinges. I bet I climbed in and out of the Mack a thousand times to get it apart. Took pictures of it. Then called the g/f to find she is sick. So i'm at her house on the computer. Put mine and her cloths in the washer and now waiting for it to shut off so I can put them in the dryer and start another load. I'm just thankful i'm not hurting in the back or shoulders today or I would be home laying in the easy chair watching TV or doing what I do most is, looking at my John and Martha King DVD's or my Sporty's DVD's. Rob will probably know what i'm talking about since it has to do with aircraft. I have to stay up on the learning curve so I can keep current with flying.

Tom, what time is supper? i'm getting very hungry thinking about BBQ. I need a reason to us the special sauce. I'm tired of peanut butter and hot sauce. I need something else to put hot sauce on. I saw some road kill coming over to the g/f house but, some buzzards had claimed it first. They were hungrier than I was then so I let them have it. Hmmm....wonder what buzzard would taste like with the special sauce?

mike

[leversole]

After lying awake all night listening to the 50mph wind shaking the entire house....got up and researched impact wrenches...the cheapo Chicago Pnuematic I have had for thirty years doesn't have enough torque to get out of its own way, so it is time to upgrade. Went to Sears and got one that has 750 ftlbs of torque...that oughtta get them lug nuts off after breaking loose! I have a nasty whole truck shake between 39 and 42 mph...gonna swap the wheels around and see if that helps, but it is just too windy to go outside today!

You want something funny eh?

A fish swimming in a lake bumps into a wall, what does he say?

Damn!

[other dog]

I got up about 7:00 a.m. called my mom to see if she needed anything,washed my pickup truck, carried my dress shirts and pants to the dry cleaners, came home and gutted the passenger door on the Mack. Now it's just a shell, still on the hinges. I bet I climbed in and out of the Mack a thousand times to get it apart. Took pictures of it. Then called the g/f to find she is sick. So i'm at her house on the computer. Put mine and her cloths in the washer and now waiting for it to shut off so I can put them in the dryer and start another load. I'm just thankful i'm not hurting in the back or shoulders today or I would be home laying in the easy chair watching TV or doing what I do most is, looking at my John and Martha King DVD's or my Sporty's DVD's. Rob will probably know what i'm talking about since it has to do with aircraft. I have to stay up on the learning curve so I can keep current with flying.

Tom, what time is supper? i'm getting very hungry thinking about BBQ. I need a reason to us the special sauce. I'm tired of peanut butter and hot sauce. I need something else to put hot sauce on. I saw some road kill coming over to the g/f house but, some buzzards had claimed it first. They were hungrier than I was then so I let them have it. Hmmm....wonder what buzzard would taste like with the special sauce?

mike

Anything's probably good with enough sauce on it. Jo tells me the story (about 3 times a week) about where she used to work(Biscuitville),where one day a week they'd bring something in for lunch just to get away from biscuits. She would usually bring something like green beans and potatoes, or macaroni and cheese, hamburgers,or bread. One day one of her co-workers brought pig ears. Jo said "it doesn't taste like anything". The other woman said "put some hot sauce on it"..."it still doesn't taste like anything"..."well,put some more hot sauce on it".

[other dog]

After lying awake all night listening to the 50mph wind shaking the entire house....got up and researched impact wrenches...the cheapo Chicago Pnuematic I have had for thirty years doesn't have enough torque to get out of its own way, so it is time to upgrade. Went to Sears and got one that has 750 ftlbs of torque...that oughtta get them lug nuts off after breaking loose! I have a nasty whole truck shake between 39 and 42 mph...gonna swap the wheels around and see if that helps, but it is just too windy to go outside today!

You want something funny eh?

A fish swimming in a lake bumps into a wall, what does he say?

Damn!

That's good-took me a while to get it!..but as they say,i'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

[other dog]

Wash/grease boy is at daytona. Somebody has to grease and wash the truck.

Pulled some weeds in the back gardens, mulched the area.

Pick up dog poop in the backyard, mow the lawn.

Just finished watching the race. Take a shower. Coffee break and then a nap.

Taking the Mrs. out to dinner later.

Sorry, not much funny here.

I caught the end of the race too. Never went to a race at Daytona,but I did stop by just to check it out and caught a test session going on one time, back in the 80's or early 90's. My wife and I used to go to every race at Charlotte,Richmond,Martinsville,and Rockingham from the early 80's to mid 90's. Haven't been to one since.

Dog poop...yeah,not much funny there.

[other dog]

maybe some of this is funny-

[vision386]

Yeah i think thats it! tired of being cooped up inside! i got truck cleaned up,went to wal-mart,post office,grocery store,came home and got my grill cleaned up,put a tailight in Mrs.visions car,came inside a few minutes ago and caught the last few minutes of "True Grit" on TV.....got some "bubba burgers" on as we speak with all the fixins!i wish somebody would come up with a good joke or something too! been a long week! i've checked in a few times myself this week,not much going on...........Mark

[rhasler]

i wish somebody would come up with a good joke or something too! been a long week! i've checked in a few times myself this week,not much going on...........Mark

Ask and ye shall recieve

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."

[rhasler]

And another

Roger was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day Roger came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that Roger claimed was actually a lie detector . It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked Roger.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair .

"Son," said Roger, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments ." Answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a movie called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said Roger. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to Roger and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and slapped her out of her chair!

[other dog]

Ask and ye shall recieve

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."

Just what I needed!..ain't even got to the second one

[rhasler]

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.

The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.

She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.

It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.

I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,

Mrs.

Harrington

[other dog]

And another

Roger was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day Roger came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that Roger claimed was actually a lie detector . It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked Roger.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair .

"Son," said Roger, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments ." Answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a movie called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said Roger. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to Roger and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and slapped her out of her chair!

excellent!

[rhasler]

Father of the Year

[Rob]

Ain't got nothing funny to say, (as usual) but I spent a considerable amount of today getting my hemorhoids pounded up into my throat by my Jeep Cherokee driving on the interstate. Hit a big bump on I-39, and after becoming airborne, put a negative arch into the floor pan due to the g-force applied during deceleration of my carcass upon impacting the seat.

Worst part was I busted a pus ball and had to change shorts at a truck stop. I always carry a change of clothes in the vehicle cause I never know what may happen.

Rob

[vision386]

I like the one with the snowshovel! thats a good one! LMAO!!!!!!!!...................Mark

[vision386]

Meanwhile,across town,"mother of the year" has her own business to handle!........

[theakerstwo]

Rob thats too much information.

[Rob]

Rob thats too much information.

Well it wasn't too awful bad till I got home and had to smell "Momma's" toenail cheese laden breath. Then I knew the day was a washout.

Rob

[randyp]

I been making lots of clanking noises, digging, crashing trees to the ground, all while the sun is shining! ahhhh,,,sunshine,,,randyp

[SOUTHBOUND01]

...eh? Must be why nobody's said anything funny today. I got my running done this morning,got ribs on the grill now. I check in periodically for funny stuff,but apparently Rob,Rhasler,Randy,Mark,and Hat City are also pursuing other endeavors. So much for today's entertainment.

Subject: Never assume men understand

A woman was in a coma and had been for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was

washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on

the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure

enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling

him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the

trick & bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would

close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into

his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no

heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they

cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure: Maybe she choked."