other dog Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Old Bill sent these jokes about the south in an e-mail- The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquetof flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned aroundand went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"A Texas Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriffasked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head.""Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' " Quote Producer of poorly photo-chopped pictures since 1999. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhasler Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Here's another good one.> A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH> TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY. WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN> , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT> FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!>> HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND> FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR.> IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!!>> THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE> LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE> COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.>> THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND> POINTS AT A TREE "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO> TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF> LUMBER IT CONTAINS.">> THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE,> 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."> THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!!>> HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN> THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER> WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A> BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.>> "THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR> BOARD FEET.">> THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE> HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A> CALCULATOR!!!!>> ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD,> AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN.. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS> THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND> WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?">> BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS,> "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST.">> THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE> OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK> IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, ANOTHER> FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.>> HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT> TREE OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF> THAT TREE!!">> THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW> WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?">> WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE> WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES> A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.> HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK.> "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.>> THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW> IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?">> THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE> TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND> REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A SHIT BEHIND IT!">> HE GOT THE JOB. Quote "Mebbe I'm too ugly and stupid to give up!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other dog Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 more funny stuff... Quote Producer of poorly photo-chopped pictures since 1999. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatcity Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 How do you starve an Obama supporter?................Hide the food stamps under the work shoes. Quote Success is only a stones throw away.................................................................for a Palestinian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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