Popular Post David Posted February 17, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted February 17, 2013 Tools ExplainedDRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!' SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.Hope you found this informative.It's coupled with a community service project I am working on. There is no need to send me a thank you note. .....Anonymous 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsb502 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Well I'll be damned, being a mechanic I can vouch for the validity of these definitions. Quote "Any Society that would give up a little LIBERTY to gain a little SECURITY will Deserve Neither and LOSE BOTH" -Benjamin Franklin"If your gonna be STUPID, you gotta be TOUGH" "You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randyp Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 heh heh,,,hope you dont mind, had to print that, will mention you in the credits though. randyp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vision386 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 David,thats great! don't think i ever heard a better description of a "blue wrench" still laughing!...................................Mark Quote Mack Truck literate. Computer illiterate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staxx Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Thats fricking funny as hell thankyou. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 heh heh,,,hope you dont mind, had to print that, will mention you in the credits though. randyp Don't credit me. It was posted on my facebook. I went back and signed it "anonymous". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green Dash Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 It's good to know I'm using all my tools properly. Quote Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leversole Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Brings back memories! Both recent and past! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike69mackman Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 David could you pm your FB link? Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 Mike and all, FB is David Colpitts. Feel free to friend request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apple dog Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 David can you splain the 2 most inportant tool to a truck driver. Hammer and 9/16 wrench. Quote This is Mack country. On a quiet night you can hear a peterbilt rust away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 Anything to do with brakes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apple dog Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I was always told the hammer will fix anything and the wrench is for brakes. Quote This is Mack country. On a quiet night you can hear a peterbilt rust away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other dog Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I was always told the hammer will fix anything and the wrench is for brakes.guess i'm covered then, I got 2 hammers. A claw hammer and a 3lb. ball peen. Quote Producer of poorly photo-chopped pictures since 1999. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenGiant2 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Don't credit me. It was posted on my facebook. I went back and signed it "anonymous".ok, i may be related to DUMB SHIT, but what is Quote We the unwilling, Lead by the unqualified, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vision386 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 ok, i may be related to DUMB SHIT, but what is I been wondering that myself,been seeing that a lot lately...........................Mark Quote Mack Truck literate. Computer illiterate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leversole Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 The ampersand is an HTML directive...Non Breaking SPace...it is how a webpage displays a blank space Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmer52 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 The ampersand is an HTML directive...Non Breaking SPace...it is how a webpage displays a blank spaceso why not just hit the "ENTER" key to insert a blank line? Saves typing.WTF?!?!?!?! 1 Quote Ken PRR Country and Charter member of the "Mack Pack" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vision386 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 The ampersand is an HTML directive...Non Breaking SPace...it is how a webpage displays a blank spaceThanks Leslie,i actually looked it up,and best i could come up with was "And No Bull Sh*t Please".........................Mark 1 Quote Mack Truck literate. Computer illiterate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmer52 Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Thanks Leslie,i actually looked it up,and best i could come up with was "And No Bull Sh*t Please".........................MarkI'm out of likes...but I like....makes more sense than that blank space bs.... ! Quote Ken PRR Country and Charter member of the "Mack Pack" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leversole Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 so why not just hit the "ENTER" key to insert a blank line? Saves typing.WTF?!?!?!?! It inserts a space WITHOUT a break (new line)! You need to build a few web pages from scratch...you would have a blast!You could build a motorboating website! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmer52 Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 It inserts a space WITHOUT a break (new line)! You need to build a few web pages from scratch...you would have a blast!You could build a motorboating website!I like computers but not into building web pages. As for a motorboating website, I don't have any pics of "boats". I know "build it and they will come".P.S. I am still in mourning since they closed the Altoona PA Hooters on February 4th. A sad day in Altoona history. No fried pickles until Texas Roadhouse opens in March. And the scenery just will not be the same. Quote Ken PRR Country and Charter member of the "Mack Pack" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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