Random Thoughts

[other dog]

11 hours ago, The Rubber Duck 006 said:

Sorry You ain't feeling good OD.......On another note I never got into Hooters,strip clubs,and all that Jazz....Just wasn't my scene....

Yeah, me neither...much. The closest Hooters around here was in Roanoke, but I'm pretty sure it's been closed for several years now.

The first time I ever went to a Hooters was in York, Pa. and I think it's closed now too. Me and Woodstock had taken some long loads on steerable dollies somewhere up to the north and east of York, I don't remember exactly where. We had one dolly operator between us, because the only time we needed the dolly was on the job site. After we unloaded, the dolly was hooked to the back of the truck on a pintle hook for the return trip. We were very short, these dollies were just made from a set of tandems with a hydraulic turntable and a gas motor to run the hydraulic pump.

So, the dolly driver was much younger than me or Woodstock and he wanted to stop at Hooters on the way back. We said fine, so we pulled in, plenty of room. It was ok, not great, certainly not horrible. You certainly won't see more there than you you would see on TV, especially on the "shaving that sensitive hoo-hah" commercial. 

That was probably in the 90's and the next time I went to Hooters was in Florida with Zina and her sister. I actually like Twin Peaks better.

 

[Mark T]

I used to think boobs were the greatest thing ...... then as I got older I got my own and .....well.   Hooters ....ehhh   

[mowerman]

I have never been in one. We used to have one here, but it’s gone., Mark a lot of us have them now, but I still stare, especially summertime and Costco you guys probably don’t have them. It’s a bulk store. I understand Sam’s Club is the same deal. I have never been in one. They’re not big here. Costco is… bob

[mrsmackpaul]

Not my story, but gave a chuckle 

 

We have the standard 6 ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months Ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire City. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric Fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made For 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and Drove it 7.5 feet into the grund. The ground rod is the key, with The more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.
One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big Wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the Yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the Mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of The way.
It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.
Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right Hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in Mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a Picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.
Time stood still.
The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front Side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the Lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time That Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my Head. I was literally one with the engine.
It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower Were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.
Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg To differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels Emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and You're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 Times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality It was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.
At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding Onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric Fences ... But Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.
This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now Accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river Bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just Man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.
'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!
Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a Loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam In it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die ... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into The rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore Roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's Right foot.
So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, Standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not Take me that day ... He left me there covered in my own fluids to Writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.
I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ...
I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside Me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.
There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and Then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I Was on the ground still holdng on to it. I assume I finally had a Seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.
Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:
1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.
2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).
3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.
4 - My left eye will not open.
5 - My right eye will not close.
6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little sesion cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.
7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.
8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).
That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.
I don't care what type of humor you like this is funny
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.
The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

 

[mowerman]

Missed the part about not your story I don’t know how anyone would have survived but I would have checked that switch before I touched that line

[mrsmackpaul]

9 minutes ago, mowerman said:

Missed the part about not your story I don’t know how anyone would have survived but I would have checked that switch before I touched that line

Blokes been blokes, we rarely check all the stuff we should of

I reckon as the years go by we get better not taking risks that are gunna hurt to much, well some times we do

Gave me a chuckle

Reminds of the story I read years ago of a bloke up Darwin way 

Bought a chrap tazer doohickie in Bali why in holidays

As I  recall he was sitting in his arm chair, cat on his lap and thought I can't try it out on the cat

Next thing he woke up on the floor 

Cat was fine  

 

Paul 

[mowerman]

Oh, I guess we’ve all done stupid stuff years ago when I was a teenager I was working on a 55 Chevy had the car jacked up with a regular bumper jack real high and working underneath it without a jack stand  there’s no way I would do that now my uncle happen to be over visiting and he was yelling at me. What are you out of your mind?

[mowerman]

Now that I think back I used to repair split rim truck tires around the same age and I would sit on the tire while I was inflating it. I don’t think I would try that now. I don’t know how I made it this far.

[tjc transport]

42 minutes ago, mowerman said:

 I don’t think I would try that now. I don’t know how I made it this far.

that one is easy Bob.

we were young and dumb and did not know any better back then.

[mrsmackpaul]

13 minutes ago, tjc transport said:

that one is easy Bob.

we were young and dumb and did not know any better back then.

And even if we did know better, that only happened to the other  bloke

 

Paul

[mowerman]

OK Paul that’s just hilarious. That’s their problem not mine.